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It Isn't So It Isn't

by Jason Emmanuel

Today at the shoreline I had the hammer and I had the hammer because I needed it and I needed it because I had it. I had the hammer on my shoreline today which was hungry like I was and the man was like an animal but he wasn’t but he was if he was. In this way I feared for my safety because he was unpredictable so if it did what I expected it to do which was what I did not expect then I feared for my safety because it was unpredictable to me because I did not know what to expect or not expect from it. It had a face of fear which was my fear but my fear was mine and its face had its fear which was also my fear.

I snapped its right leg today with a crack because the water was too cold today if I did. The water has been too cold today and yesterday and no one knows why but I do. If the water wasn’t too cold today then I wouldn’t have snapped its leg but even if I had then I would have because I did even if the water wasn’t too cold which it was yesterday. I didn’t check today how cold the water was but it would be the same as yesterday which must have been too cold because I snapped its leg today. But I wouldn’t snap its leg so I didn’t snap its leg because I wouldn’t so the water wasn’t too cold and I didn’t because it wasn’t. But I might have if I had to and I had to have because I did.

The people crawling in the boats are animals because we are not and the sky is black. If the sky were not black and we were animals then perhaps the people in the boats would not be animals. But because it is and we are not then they are but the sky could change. The sky could change and it has because it always does but we don’t and we can’t but they can and they do because they are.

If I would do it because it was threatening me then it was threatening me because I would do it and did do it if I did. But if I didn’t then I wouldn’t because I haven’t but I will if I have to which I haven’t but I would if I had to and I did so I had to because it was threatening me.

She would have told if I had let her after it happened if it had happened but it didn’t happen so I didn’t let her because she would have told. If it had happened then I would have let her but it didn’t so I didn’t but if it happened then I am monstrous but I am not monstrous so it did not happen and I did not let her. If I am monstrous then I am not monstrous and I did not let her because it is not true and it is not true because I am not monstrous. If it did happen and I am not monstrous then it did happen but it was not monstrous because I am not monstrous and therefore I did not let her because it is not true.

If I was wrong then I would repent but God does not hear so I cannot repent because I was not wrong because then He would hear and I would repent if I was wrong which I was not because then he would hear which he does not.

If that was her family then that would be sad but it isn’t so it isn’t and it isn’t so it isn’t because that would be sad.

If I had known them then things might be different but I have known them I have known them please I have known them but no—things are not different and so I have not. If I had loved them then they would be worthy of love but because I have not then they are not and so I have not because they are not.

Author's Note

Lately I'm interested in what can be justified.

Jason Emmanuel is a copy editor living in Somerville, MA.